


Secondhand Smoke

by Iamkindagay



Category: Gintama
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bisexual Gintoki, Bittersweet, Cigarettes, Coping, Cute Tsukuyo, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hemmoroids, F/M, Fishnets, Flirty Gintoki, Fluff, Gintoki being a himbo, Guilt, Hijikata is cute AND hot, I'm Bad At Tagging, It's just Gin-san getting horny over pretty smoking tsunderes, Joui War, Let's play a game of Who Does Gintoki Actually Love?, Love Triangles, Love rectangle, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past GinTaka, Past Relationship(s), Sad Gintoki, Smoking, Thighs, Two Timing, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, and he likes some praising, but like, but not really, fluff but mostly angst, with emotions and guilt, you can feel me simping over Tsukuyo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:28:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27582743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamkindagay/pseuds/Iamkindagay
Summary: Gintoki remembers the exact time Takasugi started smoking. All the times he used it as an excuse to leave his own tent and sneak into Gintoki's. The grime and the never-cleansed smell of blood would just be temporarily masked by the smell of tobacco on Takasugi, wrapping them both till they drifted into sleep in each other's arms.He remembers it. In the long nights when he stares at the ceiling for hours. When the sweet responsibility of having loved ones dawns on him and turns into sours as he sees nightmares from the past, losing, and losing again. Then he craves for that smell of tobacco again.Sometimes that craving drags him to the headquarters of Shinsengumi, sometimes to the streets of Yoshiwara.He doesn't know anymore... He really doesn't...
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki, Sakata Gintoki/Takasugi Shinsuke, Sakata Gintoki/Tsukuyo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the whole fic takes place loosely before Shogun Assassination Arc

Gintoki found himself staring at the ceiling for a couple hours now. Hell, he wouldn’t even realize that if it wasn’t for the sun starting to rise, changing the color of the ceiling in question.  
“Ahh, shit” he was pulling all-nighters while trying to sleep way more than he wants to admit. He couldn't sleep because he knew that the nightmares of the past are gonna wake him up in sweat anyway... Hair strands falling, blood covering every part of his vision, the blur that comes after. Then the farewell.

He crawled out from under the blanket, he had to sleep before the sun was out or the morning light wouldn’t let him. He removed the tatami on his side. This is where he kept his “secret” stuff. Kagura probably didn’t notice it, but Gintoki doubted the glasses missed this spot while cleaning around. He still acted like he didn’t know about it though. Good kid.

He shuffled his porn magazines aside, grabbed the crumpled box of cigarettes and the matches. _Mayboro_. He fixed the tatami back to its usual state, got up to open the window, and went back under his blankets. Propped himself up on one elbow. Opened the crumbled package to pick the last remaining cigarette with his mouth.

Damn, they lasted shorter than he expected.  
_flick_

He burned the tip of the cigarette and inhaled softly. Watched the rest of the match burn down to his fingers, burn his fingers red, and burn out fully.

He inhaled the cigarette. “Blegh.” He always hated the taste. Exhaled.

He focused on the familiar scent and slowly drifted into sleep.

\-----

Gintoki remembered the exact time Takasugi started smoking.  
After one of their first big battles. The first time they faced such big losses.

He remembers Takasugi’s strong but delicate fingers, twisting the kiseru around. It was of Kaientai’s strategist’s that always followed him around. He remembers getting pissed at the guy for reasons he couldn’t figure out back then- whenever he walked in on a pregnant silence between Gintoki and Takasugi, whenever he joined the conversation when they were bickering like a married couple. Seemed stupid now, how much he wanted this guy gone. He felt the guilt of it now that he actually was.

Gintoki could feel how much the other wanted to be alone, but he was scared that, if he went away Takasugi would slip away from his sight. He wanted to be leaned on. He wanted to keep his promise, wanted to take care of Shouyo’s students.

At least that’s what he told himself.

The two were crouched in a tent where they kept some of their equipment and inventory. One of Gintoki’s knees were hovering over the Takasugi’s. He was silent, fully focused on the kiseru. And next to him, Gintoki was focused on the hands that were holding them, not daring to look up to the cold, troubled face. The never disappearing smell of rot and blood hanging between them.

He lowered his knee down, meeting the other man’s knee. He felt the leg stiffen as he pressed his own to it. He felt so pathetic, not knowing what to do to help him. Maybe he could take a share of this burden if he could just share some of his body warmth-

Takasugi rose up to his feet in an instant. That was the first time they met eyes since the others left the tent. He didn’t look flustered, he looked almost normal. Just very tired.

“I-” he said, almost inaudible “I am gonna find tobacco for this.” He held up the kiseru.

Gintoki slowly got up to his feet. He yawned. Maybe he was tired as well. “Try not to die off nicotine.”

Takasugi huffed from his nose to the joke and left the tent.

-

Later that night, Gintoki caught himself watching the leaf shadows on the fabric of his tent. Maybe he should’ve drunk some sake to fall asleep, but it was too late now.

He watched the figure of a man approaching his tent, though he was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t even register that the shadows were from someone.

He jumped when he heard “Hey” from the entrance of his tent. “Can I come in?”

Gintoki got up to his knees, leaned to lift the fabric of the entrance “Takasugi, was it just you?” he was relieved.

“Did I scare you?” Takasugi sounded amused.

“Scare me? hah.” a little lie wouldn’t kill anyone “You wish.” he moved a little to the side so Takasugi would crawl in.

After Takasugi crawled in, he left the fabric, letting the weak light leave the tent again. He moved to grab the little lantern, but a hand stopped him. “No need for that.”

They both fell silent. The sound of the crickets was deafening. Gintoki looked up to Takasugi’s face. The darkness surrounding them was playing games with his eyes: it was swirling around the other guy’s expression, making him look angry first, smiling a second, Gintoki couldn’t point out where his face ended and the air began. When did he get so close?

He felt the air coming from the other guy’s mouth prickling his face. He smelled an overwhelming smell of tobacco, oozing off Takasugi, drowning out any other scent. He leaned in.

Their lips brushed. Gintoki thought he should be surprised at this. But he wasn’t. He felt like he had buried the thought and the desire of this for the longest time, and now they were resurfacing.

He balanced on one of his arms, put his other arm around Takasugi’s shoulder, bracing the fabric right beneath his nape; pulling the guy with him as he leaned back. Takasugi gladly complied and prompted Gintoki’s lips to open with his tongue. It was funny how he didn’t feel short at all like this, leaning down on him, covering his whole vision as they made out.

His ears suddenly deafened to the outside sounds, all that echoed in his mind were the clicks of their tongues, Takasugi’s breathing, getting harsher, then calmer, his throat vibrating to the silentest of groans…

He arched his back upwards, pressing his groin to the body of the guy above him. Takasugi let out a deeper groan, then met him midway by pressing and thrusting down.

-

He remembers the exact night Takasugi started smoking. It was the first night they kissed, the first night they touched each other. The first night in weeks he slept that deep, tangled in each other, warmer than he could last remember...

He never liked smoking, he was neutral to the smell of tobacco. But he hated the smell of war, that smell of blood and gunpowder. He never admitted to it, and maybe complained against it, but he loved how the tobacco smell Takasugi brought drowned them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyooo!!
> 
> Thank you for reading this chapter of this fanfic. The other two are also on their way, coming very soon. Hope you'll stick around for that :)
> 
> Please shoot me any comments you have for the story or my writing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda fucked the past-present tenses up....
> 
> Don't know how I did that. Sorry.......
> 
> (the whole fic takes place loosely before Shogun Assassination Arc)

Gintoki wakes up to the sounds coming from the other room. He checks the time; 11:30. A solid 6 hours of sleep. “ _Nice._ ”

“Sssh, Kagura be quiet.” Shinpachi’s voice coming muffled from the other side of the wall. Then the door slides.

“Ah Gin-san were you awake?” he says “Morning! I am just here to pick-” freezes for a millisecond “-the laundry.”

Ahh, Gintoki thinks to himself, he must’ve noticed the smell. 

Gintoki heard from Tae that their dad passed away due to a lung disease. Shinpachi wouldn’t be that bothered when someone smoked around him, but whenever he smelled it in Gintoki’s room, Gintoki would realize his jaw stiffening, eyes worried. The kid cares too much about others, he thought. Doing the things he does, while knowing that exactly… Gintoki wasn’t being fair to him.

Shinpachi didn’t slow down at all, kept acting like usual; just averted his eyes, tracing the mess on the floor with them. Gintoki moved to fold his futon away as Shinpachi dealt with the mess his eyes stopped on. He kept talking in his usual tone, but in a robotic way. About the lack of jobs and how Otose scolded him on his way up for rent. 

“-Also I haven’t washed them for a while now, have I?” Shinpachi pointed to the pajamas.

Gintoki got up and shuffled off his pajama pants and shirt. “Here ya go.” he passed them to Shinpachi, then proceeded to wear his daily pants and shirt. 

When he is ready he moved to leave the room but stopped by Shinpach and shuffled the kid’s head. Shinpachi looked up to meet his eyes, slightly frustrated. 

“What is it?” he mumbled shyly. 

“Nah, you just got some human stuck on you Shinpachi.” He kept on shuffling harder. “Kagura give me a hand” he yelled to the other room.

“Oh **no** ,” Shinpachi said as Kagura walked in.

“Don’t you worry Shinpachi!” Kagura yelled, “We’ll save you!”

“ **NO, NOT KAGURA I’LL GET BAALDD!**!”

\-----

The next couple of days passed quite eventfully, so Gintoki found no problem falling asleep while he died of exhaustion. 

Afterward, though, he found himself staring at the same ceiling again.

One more job was done with everyone’s life on the line 

He should’ve learned his lesson, he thought to himself. These people don’t deserve being dragged down behind him. 

The ceiling felt too low. Too _suffocating_.

Good thing that he knew a place with higher ceilings.

He got up and wrapped his yukata around and left his room.

\-----

One of Gintoki’s arms was sticking out of the blanket, he felt the hairs on his shoulder standing up. His hand was rubbing circles on Hijikata’s lower back from above the sheets. He was thinking how good Hijikata's ass looked with the thin blanket draped over it when Hijikata mumbled “Thanks, that’s enough.”

Gintoki pulls his hand back in the blanket, shuddering from the cold. He watches Hijikata crawl out of the blankets and put his yukata on his bare shoulders. 

He shuffles their clothes around to find his cigarettes and lighter in one of his pockets. Pulls one out with his lips.

Gintoki grabs him around his stomach, pulls him in an embrace. Buries his face to Hijikata’s side, inhales a deep breath. The smell filling his nose and his lungs, a mix of mayonnaise, tobacco, and Hijikata’s sweet sweat.

“Hijikata,” he breathes out affectionately.

Hijikata flicks his lighter for his cigarette and inhales.

Exhales “Don’t you ever try to sneak in from the fences again.”

“But I wanted to see you~” Gintoki responds as he leans back on the pillow.

“Dumbass, what if someone on the patrol saw you?” Hijikata says in an annoyed tone “I should arrest you for that.”

“C’mon, don’t be so cold. You were just mewling under my hands so cutely-”

“Cut it.” Hijikata stops him with a cold tone. “You know I hate it when you do this.” His focus now on the open door to the outside.

Ah, he should’ve expected that. “It hurts Gin-san when you reject his lovey-dovey-ness, you know.”

“Don’t make me laugh” Hijikata mumbles silently, with a cold tired sound Gintoki has been familiar with in his past. Eyes still gazing far away.

He looked distant now. Alone or like he wants to be alone. Unreachable even if he is at an arm’s distance. One would think Gintoki would know what to do in situations like this by now. He doesn’t know what to say, feels hollowed out of anything honest that would be sympathetic.

He understood why Hijikata retracted to his shell like this. He knew that he was just protecting himself from the vagueness that laid ahead. Stopping Gintoki before he got too close. 

And he couldn’t blame him for that.

A huff brought him back to the world. Hijikata inhales the end of his cigarette and crushes the butt of it back into the cigarette box. He exhales the last smoke to Gintoki’s face. “Stop looking like a kicked puppy will you?” and he reaches to shuffle Gintoki’s curls. “Who is being lovey-dovey now?” Gintoki says, realizing that he has been pouting.

“Lovey-dovey my ass” Hijikata leans in to kiss Gintoki. And he complies.

A little later he peeks down to the side, realizing the loose yukata, and how it's exposing Hijikata’s abdomen. “Fuck Hijikata,” he says, suddenly stopping the kiss.

Hijikata raises an eyebrow.

“You are hot without any clothes on, but damn you look especially sexy with this yukata.”

“Shut up,” Hijikata mumbles.

Ahh, cute, cute, Gintoki thought, super cute. He reached to Hijikata’s hips, gathered his weight on his lap. He leaned up and they continued their making out till he started moving down to the other guy’s neck. “-Ah” Hijikata lets out a high-pitched moan. 

Gintoki could feel his dick hardening, and he figures Hijikata could as well when he starts grinding down on Gintoki’s lap.

“You must’ve scared the men in Shinsengumi real good, Demon Vice-Chief” Gintoki groanes directly to Hijikata’s ear. “If it wasn’t for that I doubt I’d be the first men you slept with.”

Hijikata shudders to this, cheeks blushing. "Idiot."

-

Gintoki wakes up to an empty bed in Hijikata’s room. He stretches for a bit, then gets up to get dressed up.

When he’s ready he folds the futon. Feels like Hijikata's wife for a quick second, he grins to himself.

When he is about to leave the room to climb back out from the fences, he notices something on the floor where he just picked up the futon from. 

A box of Mayboro. 

Gintoki opens the package, a new one. Just one smoked and the butt put back in. A little gift.

The box feels heavier.

He puts it in his yukata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> Guys I am extremely nervy about this chapter so a feedback would be greatly appreciated uwu


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this fic takes place between Courtesan of a Nation arc and Shogun Assasination arc very loosely)

Gintoki strolled the streets of Edo at night. Not thinking much about where his feet are taking him. After a while, he finds himself at the gates of Yoshiwara. “Might as well." he mutters to himself. Turns around the corner and into the gates. 

He walks around, watching the beautiful women and drunk men laughing together, talking loudly. Notes the heavy smell of people; alcohol and perfume. 

When he turns to another right, he sees a beautiful woman, standing in the corner. He looks up and down to her short figure, to her purposefully loosened kimono, to her revealed cleavage, her one plump leg that slid out from the folds of her kimono.

“Yo, nee-chan” he calls out. “Having a great night?”

“Could be better.” She responds with a flirtatious tone. Gintoki figures that she is close to -or in- her middle ages from how her voice sounds.

Gintoki takes a step towards her, making her at a whispering distance. “And how can we make that happen?” Gintoki asks in a low voice, leaning down towards her.

She smiles “With a reasonable price.”

“Ahh.” Gintoki hoped that he could stray the conversation away from there but it didn’t work out like he hoped it would. “You see, Gin-san’s a bit tight on money these days. But I was hoping that we would just get to know each other.”

Her face turned disinterested in a second as she leans back, getting further from him.

“C’mon” he says, one last attempt “Don’t you just wanna meet Gin-san’s Gin-san?”

“Is it also as rotten as this one?” a voice behind him calls. He turns around to see the source. Tsukuyo.

“No negotiating numbers with our girls. Get her some money or get out.” she said in a bored but scolding tone.

“Geh is that you? Let Gin-san work his magic will you?” He turns back in front of him, just to see that the woman sneaked out while they were talking.

“Hm? You were talking about magic?” Tsukuyo comments smugly.

Gintoki is angry-embarrassed. “It’s because you cockblock me,” he mutters.

Tsukuyo laughs delightfully. “Actually, it’s good that you are here, Hinowa wants to thank you for your help last time.” She breaks eye contact, looks at her side. “She has been bugging me to go out and ask you to come down here, but since you are already here, let her get some drinks for you.”

They go up to Hinowa’s special suite, the one with the balcony that gazes over Yoshiwara’s streets. The view here is beautiful. 

Gintoki drinks the sake Hinowa fills up for him and listens to her talk about the stories similar to Suzuran’s. Many girls get old as they wait for their lovers to fulfill their promises. And many of them were found dead in their rooms with a farewell note on their desks. Her voice chokes on girl’s names, remembering so many of them. Feeling like she should keep their names on her mind, close to her heart. “If everyone forgets them, like those heartless men that leave them hopeless here do,” she says “that would be the real tragedy.”

He and Hinowa are sitting around the table as Tsukuyo listened to Hinowa while leaning on the railing of the balcony. Puffing smokes from her kiseru. Cherry flavored, Gintoki thinks to himself.

“That’s why what you did for Suzuran was so important. Not just for her, for all of us in Yoshiwara.”

Gintoki could see how strong Hinowa was from the way she talked. He understood once again why she was so important for and respected by Tsukuyo.

The mood lightened a little more after that conversation. Gintoki talked about Yorozuya and the old hag Otose, about the one time Kagura almost left Shinpachi bald. He was making Hinowa laugh, and he could see Tsukuyo smirking from the side of his vision. Soon later, Hinowa yawned, she rolled her wheelchair back out of the balcony, saying that she was going to sleep. 

She flicked the light on the balcony off “Oh also,” she turns her head around with an angelic smile “the room is equipped with anything you guys might need.” she winks.

They both blush at this comment, then Gintoki bickers “Oh does it have a full suit armor to protect me from this violent amazon woman? Good to know.”

“Who are you calling an amazon woman?” Tsukuyo bickers back.

“So you’re fine with the violent part?”

Hinowa’s snickering cuts their back and forth. And she keeps rolling her wheelchair. 

Tsukuyo goes to help her to open the especially stubborn door. When she comes back her face is even redder. Hinowa must’ve said even more stuff on her way out. 

Tsukuyo shakes her head as if it will help her ignore it and takes a seat next to Gintoki. Then she proceeds to remove the sleeve from her right arm.

“Kyaaa-wait!” mock-screams Gintoki, covering his eyes with both of his hands, looking at Tsukuyo from between his fingers. “Can we at least agree on a safe word?”

Tsukuyo blushes even harder “What are you thinking you pervert?!” she screams back, frustrated. “I am just trying to relax!”

She takes her boots off one by one, stretches her feet, and props them up on the railings in front of them. She leans back on her seat, relaxes her shoulder. She must’ve been tired. Her soft, long fingers slowly turn her kiseru around, then preparing a new batch of tobacco for it. First, Gintoki watches that like he has been hypnotized. Then his eyes look up at her feet on the railings. He traces the fishnets from her toes, up across her leg, to her upper thigh. The end of the sock squeezing the soft skin there... 

Fuck, he thought, she looked so good like this. So relaxed, so **_defenseless_**. 

He stops his train of thoughts before they got out of hand and realized that he had been staring. He whips his head away from Tsukuyo to the scenery of Yoshiwara

“Thanks for your help the other day” she mutters. “Sorry for dragging your family into that mess” 

Gintoki feels his cheeks get warmer by the word ”family”. He tells himself that it's from the sake.

“We got them to meet back under the sakura tree, didn’t we?” he says, thinking of all the girls Hinowa named that he already forgot almost all the names of. “Was worth the effort after all.”

“Yeah.” Tsukuyo smiles, looking fondly at Gintoki.

Gintoki notices a smell from outside, the slight iron scent he started to smell around Edo these days. Never a good sign. Things were changing. He watches Tsukuyo inhale a deep breath as well. She must’ve noticed it too. 

“Please keep your promise, Gintoki,” she says. Sticking out her pinky finger. As if the strands of hair are still there. _Stay alive._

“You too.” he responds, takes another sip of his sake.

She leans in, reaching to Gintoki’s head, combing his curls with her fingers. He first freezes with surprise. Then he closes his eyes to the sense.

“You look tired, Gintoki.” she says, in a soft, low-pitched tone.

“Your imagination.” he brushes off.

“Yeah?” she sounds amused “What about the circles under your eyes?”

“Make up.” 

She chuckles.

Then her hand moves down to the shell of his ear. Gintoki feels the tickling sensation of her kind fingers. Again, surprised; but pleasantly. Then the hand travels down to his neck, stopping right next to his collar.

Gintoki opens his eyes. Finds two sad eyes watching him. Illuminated by the moonlight above them. Her face still looking soft with a smile.

They lock eyes. Keep watching one another for minutes that feels like a sweet eternity.

“Can you promise something too, Tsukuyo?” he hears himself muttering, sake must be loosening his mouth, “Can you promise to be honest with me?”

“That’s cruel,” Tsukuyo kept talking in her soft tone, “don’t ask things from people that you won’t be able to provide.”

Maybe she was right. But he was dozing off to the tone of her voice, making it harder to focus. “Just tell me to fuck off if you want me to fuck off, okay?” And the reverse, he finished in his mind.

She chuckled “Go to sleep, Gintoki.”

Her hand went back to combing his hair. He inhaled a deep breath, expecting a heavy perfume scent on her, but instead smelling the cherry-flavored tobacco and lavender soap on her skin. He internally smiled at this new revelation as he fell asleep.

-

The next morning he woke up at the balcony with the sun greeting his face. Yeah, he thought, sunlight suited Yoshiwara.

He got up to the empty suite, stretched a little bit. He figured that he should be back at Yorozuya soon, checked the mirror to fix his attire before he left the room. He shuffled his hair back to its usual state, fixed his obi, tucked his wooden-sword normally, then moved to fix his collar.

He stopped in his tracks when he noticed the part Tsukuyo grazed her fingers on. An old hickey, hidden right beneath the collar of his shirt.

He walked back to the balcony. Fished the Mayboro package out from his yukata. Only three were left with the stubbed out butt from Hijikata that he kept.

He picked one and burnt the end of it.

And inhaled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of the fic!!!!! Thanks for everyone who stuck with me for the past few days. 
> 
> I have a lot of ideas on how Gintoki's inner conflicts are like. But I want to hear your interpretations of their actions.  
> But feel free to question me lol I might've sucked at delivering their motivations.

**Author's Note:**

> OwO I might make art for this fic stay tuned 0w0


End file.
